not having a job

so, it's been about five weeks since i was last gainfully employed. 

(can one be UNgainfully employed?)

the back story here is that i have money saved up to last a few months, i don't have a lot of overhead costs for living, and i'm going to start my new career as a real estate agent in march, so there is no reason to look for a job right now.  it's probably the best case scenario of unemployment.

i didn't really know what to expect.  the last time i was jobless, i was in total funk.  i was a twenty four year old who had just backpacked through mexico for a summer.  after all that constant action, people meeting, and visual stimulation, i got back to long beach and had nothing to do, no one to talk to throughout the day, and no money to go anywhere had a friend suddenly popped out of my ass.   prior to my return home, i had plans to exercise, read, paint, take pictures, learn to cook, and start a really good life, basically.  i didn't do any of that stuff.  i can't even remember what i did, actually, besides trying and failing to be optimistic and perky once my boyfriend got home from work.  gross!  so i think i'm disappointed in my then-self because i should have just sacked up and done what i always said i would if i had the time.

this time, things have been better.  i'm doing a strict-ish workout regimen of tri-weekly barre classes, which is a super yuppie LA thing that combines weights and yoga with a ballet barre, so i get to pretend to be a pretty ballerina and wear my hair in a bun and pat myself on the back because i have good posture and still remember first and second position from when i took ballet in 1988.  i buy fresh fruits and veggies and eat them throughout the day.  i've read a few books.  my apartment has kind of a decorating theme (warm colors, wood, and maps!), a nice change from looking like it was inhabited by two apathetic dudes.  i've donated a lot of clothes, books, and clutter to strive for a more minimalistic life, without buying new "things" to replace the stuff that gets tossed.  i've seen friends who live far away and who i had lost touch with*.  my buddies have been Chris, Duyen, AM, Jenn, January, Brian, Meagan, and Katie.

besides my life (me me me!!!), my relationship with my boyfriend has improved.  i'm not as impatient, moody, and tired as i was before.  i don't get all naggy about cleaning up, because i put away all the dishes, do the laundry, pick things up off the floor, and do errands throughout the day when he's working.  i do more at home, but i'm not bitter or passive aggressive about it.  i know that i'm supposed to have some career that i'm passionate about and be independent and split housework 50/50, but staying at home while my boyfriend works seriously feels better.

but at the same time, i still haven't been doing all that i had hoped.  i wanted to write more, but i kind of feel like i'm tapped out of ideas since i don't really do anything all day.  i had more thoughts and opinions when i was running around all day being annoyed at the world, it seems.  and now that i have the time to sit at my laptop and write all day, i'm like, "well, maybe first i'll take a nap".  i suck!

so long story short, its been mostly good, but maybe not good enough.

frau out.

*someone help edit this sentence!